The Battle of Weight

I have been fighting my weight my entire life. It's exhausting to say the least. At the tender age of four, a photo was taken of me standing on the driveway with my duck-sunglasses on. I was trying to show off my sunglasses but what is obvious in the photo is my round little belly under the cotton top I was wearing. Nothing has ever changed.

When I was in high school, I teetered back and forth between a size eleven and thirteen. I know! There are girls out there now who say they feel skinny in a sixteen. Somehow it has become okay to be overweight. I never thought I looked as good as most of my classmates and yet, by today's standards, I would have been considered slim or at least okay. I know that this extra weight isn't good for general health, as if any teenager really cares about something like that. Actually a lot of them do care about their weight but are at a loss as to what to do about it. There's no one at home to moniter what they are eating because "mom" and "dad" both work. After all, what their child is wearing to school is more important that the child's health or well-being.

I made it all the way to obesity level topping out at 180 lb. Yes, I know. There are those who would love to be that weight. That does not make me feel any better. What is so strange is that when I stopped doing so much and not freaking out about the cookie I just ate, that is when I started losing some of that weight. Get this: I was living with my mother-in-law too. You would think that living with in-laws would create stress that would show up in weight. During that time, I did try to be more calm, easy-going because I knew that being a anxiety ridden lunatic would make things unbearable for everyone. There were days when I had to work doubly hard at it but there were also days that seemed to float as if they were silk. By the time two years had rolled by, I had lost 40 lb. without trying. I had gone down three dress sizes.

I still wasn't where I wanted to be but I was a hell of a lot closer. I needed to lose twenty more pounds. That's when hubby and I got our house. I thought maybe doing more around the house would shed some of those pounds but it didn't.

Then I went into a rehabilitation program for my disability to get some home exercises and some more adapted skills for the computer. I was hoping this would assist me in losing weight but it didn't. In fact, I have gained five pounds that will not come off.

I stayed home from the rehabilitation program this week because of a cold. Maybe I could have gone and learned something but I didn't want this cold to turn into a strep virus. Besides, I need some time to think, reflect, regroup.

One thing that I have thought about was that my eating habits have changed. I need to go back to what I was eating before. This means no more saltine crackers despite the fact that I get the ones without any salt. This means I start having yogurt every day. They come pre-measured so that I won't be as tempted to have more than one serving. In fact, I need to start watching my servings on everything including vegetables. Well -- maybe I can eat celery as much as I want. Yep, I will still be having desserts but I will be especially careful on the serving size. You know that big spoon in your silverware drawer? The one you rarely use because you have those nice plastic ones that you keep close to the stove? That's a serving size- - at least approximately. For food that needs to be served in a bowl, usually a serving size is 3/4 cup to one cup.

What changes do you make when you are fighting the battle of weight?